Episode 1405 - 200

Cast:

Stan
Kyle
Cartman
Butters
Sally Struthers
Gerald and Sheila Broflovski
Randy Marsh
Steven Stotch
Jimbo Kern
Mr. Garrison
Mr. Hat
Mr. Mackey
Principal Victoria
Mayor McDaniels
Officer Barbrady
Sgt. Yates
Tour Guide
Mitch Connor
Lead Ginger

Super Best Friends
Buddha
Jesus
Moses
Muhammad
Lao Tse
Sea-Man

Celebrities
Bono
Charlie Sheen
Steven Spielberg
George Lucas
Hillary Clinton
Jared Fogle
Jennifer Lopez
Jesse Jackson
Jimmy Buffett
Joseph Smith
Kanye West
Michael Richards
Oprah
Paris Hilton
Rob Reiner
Robert Redford
Russell Crowe
Tiger Woods
Tim Burton
Tom Cruise


[A fudge factory, day. A tour guide shows Mr. Garrison's class around the factory]
Tour Guide:Our factory works 24-7 to prudice candy, and we have over 500 employees. [they stop at a tank labeled PRE-MIX] Here you can see where the cocoa is mixed with the sugar and milk.
Cartman:Wow, cool! [takes a picture with his digital camera] Chocolate rules. [the guide moves on and the class follows]
Kyle:You should know, fatass!
Cartman:Ey! I'm not fat, you sneaky Jew!
Stan:Oh God, you guys, really, this again?!
Tour Guide:[stopping in front of several assemply lines] And here's where all the fudge is put into boxes to be shipped all over the world. [the class begins to move on]
Kyle:Kind of like Cartman's dad shipped out on him!
Cartman:I have a dad, butthole! My mom is my dad!
Stan:You guys, stop! All you're doing is rehashing a bunch of old stuff!
Butters:[notices someone from the corner of his eye] Hey Stan, isn't that Tom Cruise?
Stan:Huh? [sure enough, Tom is one of the workers in the factory, wrapping up fudge and sealing it in boxes] Oh wow, it is. Hey guys, check it out, Tom Cruise is a fudge packer. [Tom is working for Frederick's Fudge & Candies]
Tom Cruise:[angered] What did you call me?! [the class returns]
Cartman:Heeey, that is Tom Cruise. [pulls out his camear and takes a picture]
Butters:How come you're packin' fudge, Mr. Cruise?
Tom Cruise:I'm not a fudge packer!
Kyle:Dude, you don't have to be ashamed or anything.
Tom Cruise:But I'm not a fudge packer!
Stan:Then why are you packing fudge?
Tom Cruise:I'm not. I'm a very busy actor! I'm just here trying to get away for a weekend to do some fly fishing!
Stan:Dude, you are in a fudge factory packing fudge.
Tom Cruise:Oh that does it! I will sue you!
Stan:For what?!
Tom Cruise:You can't just call somebody a fudge packer and get away with it!
Mr. Garrison:[catching up to the class] Hey, is that fudge packer Tom Cruise?
Tom Cruise:[throws down his cap] That's it! I'm suing this entire intolerant town!
Stan:Bud dude-
Tom Cruise:NO BUTS! You wanna accuse somebody of being a fudge packer? You're gonna pay the consequences! [storms out of the foctory as the class looks on]
[Tom Cruise's mansion in the Rockies, day. Tom has gathered a lot of celebrities to his home]
Tom Cruise:Guys, I wanna really thank you all for coming. Shockingly, I've just been slandered once again in the town of South Park, something I know you all can relate to. [the other celebrities begin to chatter, generally agreeing with him]
Tiger Woods:That town jsut seems to be a hotbed of hatred and lies!
Bono:I'm fed up with it! That town suggested I was made of shit!
Tom Cruise:Yeah well I was just over there doing some flyfishing, and this little boy walks up and calls me a fudge packer!
Celebrities:That is wrong! Ohhhh, that is crazy!
Tom Cruise:I know, right? And then other kids in the town and their teacher started joining in!
Sally Struthers:[eating chocolate cake] South Park, Colorado, is the most insensitive racist and bigoted place in this country.
George Lucas:That town thinks they can say whatever they want about people and get away with it!
Paris Hilton:If anybody has a gripe against that shithole, it's me! [spits something into a tissue, then rubs that tissue into John Travolta's crotch]
Tom Cruise:Yeah well I say enough! All of us together can put a stop to the slander coming from that town once and for all! No longer will they make snide remarks about whoever they want!
Celebrities:Yeeeah!!
Jared:Hey, Tom, I ate too much Subway. Where is your bathroom?
Tom Cruise:Oh just... a door down the hall there, Jared. [Jared goes to the first door and opens it] Nonono, that's a that's a closet. Go down more. [Jared moves on to the next door and opens that one] No, that's a closet too. [Jared moves on to the next door across the hall and opens that one] No, Jared, that one's a closet. [Jared moves on to the next door and opens that one] No. That's a cl- [Jared moves on to the next door and opens that one] closet. [Jared moves on to the next door and opens that one] No that's a that's a closet. [Jared runs out of door to open and looks at Tom.]
[South Park Elementary, day, Fourth Grade.]
Principal Victoria:[over the intercom] Stan Marsh to the principal's office! Stan Marsh, come to the principal's office immediately! [Stan leaves his chair]
Kyle:[as the principal finishes up] Dude, what did you do?
Stan:I have no idea. [walks out]
[Principal's Offica, later. Stan walks up to it and opens the door. He sees his parents and Kyle's parents, Officer Barbrady and Sgt. Yates, The Mayor and her aides, Mr. Mackey, and Principal Victoria]
Randy:You just had to push it, didn't you Stan?! You just had to make fun of Tom Cruise AGAIN!
Principal Victoria:Did you call him a fudge packer?
Stan:Awgh-, he was packing fudge!
Mayor McDaniels:Little boy, you don't understand how serious this is! Tom Cruise has put together a class-action lawsuit along with 200 other celebrities!
Mr. Mackey:They're goin' to sue the bejesus out of this entire town, m'kay?
Stan:It wasn't just me. Other kids called him a fudge packer. Even Mr. Garrison-
Principal Victoria:But you started it! Mr. Broflovski, tell him what you told us.
Gerald:Stan, a class-action lawsuit means the end of this town. We can't possibly go up against their lawyers.
Sgt. Yates:Damnit Marsh, why couldn't you have just kept your stupid ugly kid in line?!
Randy:Hey, don't start blamin' me for his looks!
[The fudge factory, day. Tom Cruise is back at the assembly line packing fudge.]
Randy:Mr. Cruise, my son is so, so sorry, and he would do anythng to take back his hurtful comment.
Tom Cruise:That's nice. I'm still suing you all! Nobody calls mem a fudge packer!
Randy:Yes, it was a terrible mistake, but, maybe you... could see how... since you do... take fudge and... pack it into a box.
Tom Cruise:What?!
Randy:Wha-I'm I'm just saying that you are employed currently as a person who... packages...
Tom Cruise:I'm an actor! I do not pack fudge!
Randy:Right. My son just got confused... because you have a little uniform and a... hat that says "Fred's Fudge & Candies." And you are... look it doesn't matter just... please withdraw the class-action lawsuit. Nobody in our town will ever call you a fudge packer again.
Tom Cruise:[takes a short break and sighs] There is... one thing that your town could do to... maybe make me forget about this lawsuit.
Randy:Anything! Anything you want, Mr. Cruise.
Tom Cruise:It's just that there's somebody I've always wanted to meet. Face to face. If you could get him to show up in your town...
Randy:Sure, who is it? We can get anybody for you.
Tom Cruise:Muhammad. The prophet of the Muslim faith.
Stan:Ooooo...
Randy:Thaaat's tricky.
Tom Cruise:Well then you can just get sued!
Randy:Mr. Cruise, if there's anybody else we could try to bring to town, we could-
Tom Cruise:NO! Just him! You get Muhammad to appear in South Park, or your little town is done!
[South Park Community Center, evening. Randy is on stage with Mr. Mackey, Principal Victoria, The Mayor and her aides. Much of the town is in the audience]
Randy:Okay, people, I kno- I know. But, he will get the other celebrities to withdraw their lawsuit if we jsut... get Muhammad to appear in South Park.
Mr. Garrison:Are you nuts?! If Muhammad appears in South Park, we get bombed!
Steven:We don't know that! Maybe enough time has passed.
Kyle:[to Token] Dude, I can't believe we are dealing with this Muhammad thing again.
Mr. Mackey:But even if it were safe now for Muhammad to come, huh, how would we ever find him?
Sgt. Yates:Yeah, showing an image of him is completely off-limits and censored. So nobody has ever seen what Muhammad looks like
Stan:...I saw him once [everybody turns to look at Stan]
Mayor McDaniels:You did?
Stan:Yeah. A wa- a while ago my friends joined David Blaine's cult. I had to go to the Super Best Friends to rescue them. Muhammad was one of the Super Best Friends.
Mr. Garrison:Oh, and what? And he was just out in the open wheve everyone could see him and nobody got bombed?!
Stan:No, dude, it was totally fine.
Sgt. Yates:Muhammad showed up and there was no violence at all.
Stan:Well this giant John Wilkes Booth shot Abraham Lincoln.
Randy:Alright Stan, that's enough! Jesus, can't learn to shut up, can you?! [to the audience] Now look, I believe we CAN find Muhammad. I've done a lot of research and I've completed a sketch of what Muhammad could look like today.
Mr. Garrison:[stands up] No, don't! [Randy pulls out a sheet of paper from a manila envelope and turns it around: it's a stick figure with a round head] Is that okay to show? [sits down]
Jimbo:I don't know. I guess we'll see. [looks into the sky for any hint]
[Tom Cruise's mansion in the Rockies, day. Tom has gathered a lot of celebrities to his home]
Hillary Clinton:Tom, what is up with this Muhammad thing, it doesn't make sense.
Jesse Jackson:Yeah, you said we were just suing South Park.
Tom Cruise:Nnno, I said we were going to use South Park to make sure we never got ripped on again! [turns around and faces the audience] Look, people, all of us... get ridiculed, but who is the one person on this earth that is completely free from slander?!
Oprah:You want Muhammad because he can't be ridiculed?
Tom Cruise:Muhammad has a power that makes him impervious to being made fun of. What if we... could harness that power. [walks up to Jimmy Buffett] Jimmy Buffett, how would you like it if nobody could call your music drunken fratboy monkeygarbage?
Jimmy Buffett:I'd, I'd love it
Tom Cruise:By taking what Muhammad had, we would all be safe from ridicule. Like Tim Burton here. Imagine this, Tim: nobody could rip on you for all the rehashed movies you've made lately. There'd never be a TV show that pointed out you haven't had an original thought since Beetlejuice. And you put Johnny Depp and the same crappy music in every film. And if you're that in love with Johnny Depp you should just have sex with him already. A TV show could never say that!
Tim Burton:Gee, that'd be swell.
Tom Cruise:Well it can be a reality. Once we have Muhammad, we can take his power from him!
Cartman:Excuse me! [everyone turns to look at him] This is the home of Tom Cruise, right?
Tom Cruise:Heeey, it's one of the kids from South Park that slandered me!
Cartman:I didn't come for myself. I'm just an escort for another celebrity who wants to get in on your lawsuit.
Michael Richards:Who?
Jennifer Lopez:[pulls off her little cap] Allo! [the other celebrities snile at her]
Tom Cruise:Jennifer Lopez! [the others crowd in]
Jennifer Lopez:Yes, I am Hennifer Lopes! And I like tacos, and burritos.
[The Super Best Friends. The seven friends appear one by one and then take their places on the splash screen. Muhammad still censored]
Announcer:In the great hall of the Super Best Friends there are assembled the leaders of the world's biggest religions. Jesus! [flies off, then is shown doing some carpentry work] Buddha! [opens some sliding doors] Krishna! [turns into a rodent] Muhammad! [a black "CENSORED" pillar walking down the middle of a major street] Lao Tse and Joseph Smith! [sneaking along. Lao turns and shushes Joseph] And, the mighty Seaman.
Sea-Man:[swims by] It's not Seaman, it's Sea-Man! [swims off]
Announcer:[chuckles] And their mission, [normally] to right that which is wrong.and to serve all mankind!
Stan:Jesus, all we are asking to do is bring Muhammad to our town for like an hour.
Jesus:My son, much has changed since you were last here. Muhammad cannot make public appearances.
Buddha:We simply cannot risk any violence from the Muslim people.
Stan:Awww, not you guys too! Jesus fuckin' Christ!
Announcer:Later, at the Hall of the Super Best Friends...
Kyle:Okay, will you let Muhammad come to South Park if we dress him up like a pirate?
Joseph Smith:Nnno, Muslims would still be angry if you showed his face.
Kyle:'Kay, w-what if we cover his face with a paper bag?
Lao Tse:Nnno, because-a you still be showin' him-a walkin' around. That could be-a the trouble.
Stan:Okay, a suit of armor. We just have Muhammad in a suit of armor so you can't see anything.
Jesus:But it's still Muhammad walking around in human form.
Kyle:Aw come on! This is ridiculous!
Joseph Smith:Boys, you need to understand that people get very offended when Muhammad is mocked because he's a religious figure. [snoring noises are heard, and the camera shows Buddha...]
Jesus:Buddha, don't do coke in front of kids!
Kyle:A U-Haul. What if we bring Muhammad to South Park in the back of a U-Haul, and he just stays in there, out of sight?
Joseph Smith:But he's talking from the U-Haul?
Stan:Well yeah, he's gotta talk or nobody knows he's in there.
Jesus:Hearing his voice... I don't know. What do you think, Moses?
Moses:Um, would there be windows on the U-Haul?
Kyle:There doesn't have to be.
Moses:Um, I guess... I guess that would be okay.
[Tom Cruise's mansion, day. He takes his guests to a lab, which has a machine, a duplicator of sorts.]
Tom Cruise:Here it is, friends. Once we have Muhammad, this machien will give us his power to not be made fun of.
Russell Crowe:Tom, Tom, you're talking crazy, mate. Only Muhammad has that ability. How could we ever get it from him?
Rob Reiner:[eating a large sandwich] We take his goo. It's as simple as that, people. [makes his way to Tom and the machine]
Tom Cruise:Rob Reiner has been telling me about the goo which is inside every person on Earth.
Rob Reiner:Any goo can be harvested from a person's body, and easily placed into another.
Cartman:Wait, you mean, we aren't gonna sue and get a bunch of money?
Tom Cruise:No, Jen. We've all got enough money.
Jennifer Lopez:Yes, who needs more money? We need to get Muhammad's goo! Yes, yes! Arriba arriba!
Cartman:Uh, 'scuse us for a second. [makes his way to one of the closets in the mansion] Alright, just what the hell do you think you're doing?!
Jennifer Lopez:What am I doing? Just having some fun, cholo.
Cartman:Cut the crap! I thought we were here for lawsuit money!
Jennifer Lopez:Just keep your mouth shut and do what I tell you.
Cartman:If we're staying here, then I wanna know what's going on! Don't forget, I know who you really are. [has the inside of his left fist face him and takes off the wig] Mitch Connor!
Mitch Connor:...If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut, kid.
Cartman:You're a no-good swindler and a two-bit thief! We were here for money, not goo!
Mitch Connor:Think about it. Muhammad is the only person in the world that can't get ripped on. Those celebrities want his goo.
Cartman:Yeah, so what?
Mitch Connor:You know what that goo is worth in the open market? Hell, I got people in Hong Kong who would give me 50 mil for that goo.
Cartman:So we let them take it from Muhammad, then we steal it for ourselves.
Mitch Connor:You catch on quick, kid.
Tom Cruise:[knocks] Ms. Lopez?
Mitch Connor:Someone's coming. Get my wig back on!
Tom Cruise:Hey, I was just seeing if you needed some- ...Oh. God, you found my fudge-packing uniform.
Jennifer Lopez:Oh, your secret is safe with me, Tommy.
[South Park, day, outside City Hall.]
Randy:Boys, we are so sorry for doubting you. You really did bring us Muhammad.
Mayor McDaniels:Thank you so much for coming, Muhammad. [walks towards a U-Haul van with no one in the driver's seat]
Muhammad:Welcome.
Mr. Garrison:[apprehensive] Oh, is that okay?
Jimbo:[apprehensive] I don't know.
Randy:Alright, now we just need to figure out how to get Muhammad from the back of the truck into Tom Cruise's limo.
Stan:What?! No Dad, we promised Muhammad would stay in the truck!
Gerald:Cruise's lawyers were very specific, boys. He's sending a limo for Muhammad to meet him outside of town.
Kyle:But Muhammad can't be seen, Dad.
Sgt. Yates:Alright, we'll put a sheet over him.
Stan:No, you can't even show his feet.
Sheila:How about a Halloween costume with one of those plastic masks?
Mr. Garrison:No, you could still see his eyes.
Randy:Okay, how about like a, a big mascot outfit? One that covered him completely, head to toe, not even showing his eyes?
Mayor McDaniels:Muhammad, would that be okay?
Muhammad:Okay.
[.]
Hillary Clinton:Tom, Rob! We've just received word from the lawyers! South Park is saying they have Muhammad for us! [all gasp]
Tom Cruise:Rob, will the machine be ready?
Rob Reiner:Oh, it'll be ready!
Jennifer Lopez:More tacos! I want more tacos!
Cartman:No! No more tacos, Ms. Lopez!
Jennifer Lopez:More tacos.
Cartman:You just had seven tacos!
Jennifer Lopez:I want MORE tacos.
Cartman:[clears his through] I'm sorry. [to his fist] Why are you doing this?
Jennifer Lopez:I am Hennifer Lopez! I need tacos to live!
Cartman:You know goddamned well you're not really Jennifer Lopez! Now stop pissing me off!
Charlie Sheen:Ms. Lopez, I can go. What do you want? Like three tacos?
Jennifer Lopez:Oh thank you Harlie Sheen. And maybe an enchirito too?
Cartman:Aww gee, they don't even make enchiritos anymore!
Jennifer Lopez:Yes the do!
Cartman:No, I tried getting one last week!
Jennifer Lopez:Not all Taco Bells have enchiritos, but some still carry them.
Cartman:Gah, will somebody shut her up?!
[South Park, night. The town is ready to hand Muhammad over to Cruise's people.]
Randy:Alright, the limo's here. Muhammad, thanks again for doing this. [Muhammad, or someone, is dressed as a bear mascot]
Mayor McDaniels:You've done this town a huge favor, Muhammad.
Mr. Garrison:[rushes up with a letter] Hold on a second! Stop! There's some extremists threatening that if we give Muhammad to the celebrities, they're gonna bomb us.
Mayor McDaniels:What?
Randy:Aw, it's just a stupid threat. Come on, we don't wanna piss off Tom Cruise again. [escorts the bear to the limo]
Jared:Alright, we got 'im Tom. [Phil Collins sits in the passenger side, still clutching his Oscar. Randy and Sgt. Yates approach the limo with the bear, which explodes and throws them all back. Jared and Phil Collins are presumably dead. Sharon helps Randy up while Stan and Kyle help the bear up]
Stan:Muhammad, are you okay??
Randy:What the hell was that?
Sgt. Yates:Obviously the terrorists are for real! What does that paper say? [reads the paper] "We have place bombs all over your sity. You will give Muhammad to us. The celebrities want Muhammad for his power to not be ridiculed. We want that poewr. Huzzah!"
Stan:They want his power?
Kyle:What kind of extremeists are these?
Sgt. Yates:You won't believe it.
[A meeting room womewhere.]
Lead Ginger:Our time is near! Soon gingers will never be made fun of again!
Gingers:Huzzah!
[South Park, night. Cartman walks down a street.]
Mitch Connor:Where the hell do you think you're goin'?
Cartman:I'm through with your stupid plans, Connor! I've got better things to do with my time!
Mitch Connor:You're gonna walk away from fifty mil?
Cartman:Let me by.
Mitch Connor:You walk away now and you'll regret it the rest of your life.
Cartman:Screw this Connor! Find yourself another partner!
Mitch Connor:Then I guess I won't tell you about your father. [this stops Cartman cold]
Cartman:My father?
Mitch Connor:Thought that might get your attention. You know nothing about your dad, right?
Cartman:I know enough. My mother is a hermaphrodite, so she is actually my father.
Mitch Connor:You really still believe that garbage? The people in your town sold you that line. Come on, you have to have doubted it all along.
Cartman:How would you know anything about who my family is?
Mitch Connor:Heh! I know all about the swindles and schemes in this deadend town. You got lied to, kid, by the people who are closest to you. I can prove it too. But I'm gonna want something in return.
Cartman:If you're making this up to keep me around, Connor, then you'd better-
Mitch Connor:You just take me where I tell you! And when you learn the truth, you'll learn to love me. And nobody else.
[South Park, night. The town is in a panic after this terrorist attack.]
Officer Barbrady:Okay people, try to evacuate in an orderly fashion, Jeez.
[The Mayor's office. A lot of the town adults are there.]
Sgt. Yates:Mayor, we do not have the resources to deal with this situation! A full evacuation is impossible!
Mayor McDaniels:Jesus Christ, what are we supposed to do?
Jimbo:We have to give into their demands.
Mayor McDaniels:I'm sorry Muhammad, but we're going to have to give you over to the gingers.
Kyle:We can't hand him over to the gingers.
Stan:Yeah, we said we'd take care of him.
Gerald:But our homes and lives are at stake.
Stan:We made a promise, to Jesus!
Randy:[walks up] Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved.
Jimbo:That'll be Tom Cruise. [Randy goes to pick up the receiver]
Randy:[in a weird voice] Hullo?
Tom Cruise:Yeah, so uh, what's going on?
Randy:Uh, I'm a-I'm afraid we... can't give Muhammad to you.
Tom Cruise:Whattaya mean you're not givin' him to us?!
Randy:There are these ginger fundamentalists saying that if we don't give Muhammad to them, they're gonna bomb us.
Tom Cruise:Gingers?!
Kanye West:Gingers? Aw hell no.
Randy:Please understand that we have no choice here, Mr. Cruise.
Tom Cruise:You're gonna give Muhammad to gingers instead of us, just because they are threatening you with violence?!
Randy:Well yeah.
Tom Cruise:Oh, we could play that game too! You wanna see violence, you got it! [throws the phone down, destroying it] Goddamned stupid assholes! They wanna play rough?! Okay! Speilberg, go and get some automatic rifles! [walks up to a couch on which Oprah is seated and starts jumping up and down on it quite aggressively] We'll go in there and we're gonna take Muhammad by force! And we're gonna show 'em that-
Rob Reiner:Tom, Tom! We can't be seen getting violent!
Hillary Clinton:Yeah, that would kill all our careers.
Tom Cruise:[still jumping on the couch] But the only way we're gonna get Muhammad now is by getting just as violent with South Park as the gingers!
Rob Reiner:Fine, then let's have her do it!
Tom Cruise:[stops jumping] Her who?
Rob Reiner:You know. [softly] Her...
Tom Cruise:[softly] Oh, right... Her...
[A desert somewhere. The celebrities arrive in their limos and climb out of them. Some helicopters fly around overhead.]
Rob Reiner:There she is, Tom. Barbra Streisand.
Robert Redford:My God, she's even more terrifying than I remember.
Steven Spielberg:Tom, Barbra Streisand hasn't been active for a long time. Are we sure we want to do this?
Tom Cruise:Mrs. Streisand was blown apart in the town of South Park. She's probably more angry at that town than any of us.
Rob Reiner:Power her up! Release the kiken! [Mel Gibson throws the switch. Barbra's forehead and then her eyes light up. She begins to move. She whips her tail against the ground. She's armed with a chainsaw for a right arm]
Singer:Baabura, Baabura, ichiban kirai na hido! Baabura, Baabura, hana ga hokii. [Barbra finally lets out a roar.]
Rob Reiner:Hey Barbra. It's me, Rob Reiner. [she breathes hot air on the crowd, and they try to block the air] Listen, Babs, we're takin' on the town of South Park and we really need your help.
Tom Cruise:We figure you're pissed off at South Park too, right Ms. Streisand? [she reacts fiercely, running her saw into the holding structure behind her] Oh, she's pissed alright.
[Mr. Garrison's house, night. Cartman pounds on his front door.]
Mr. Garrison:[opens the door] Eric, what are you doing here?
Cartman:Did you all lie to me? All of you, in that room? When you told me my mother was my father.
Mr. Garrison:What? N-no, Eric. Haha-are you still worried about that old issue? I mean-
Cartman:I don't trust you! I wanna talk to Mr. Hat!
Mr. Garrison:Eric, I haven't used Mr. Hat in a long time. And uh-
Cartman:I said, Get! Mr.! Hat!
[Mr. Garrison's bedroom, moments later. Mr. Garrison goes to his top drawer and slowly pulls out Mr. Hat, his old puppet.]
Cartman:Put it on! [Mr. Garrison puts it on] Do the voice!
Mr. Hat:Hello, kids, it's me, Mr. Hayat.
Mitch Connor:Good to see you, Hat. Hell of a night, isn't it?
Mr. Hat:I, I don't believe I know you.
Mitch Connor:The name is Mitch Connor. Flew the same division as you back in Saigon.
Mr. Garrison:[lowers his hand] Eric, this is silly. Why don't we just stop-
Cartman:Keep! Your hand! Up!
[South Park, night. Randy, Stan, and the bear head the rest of the town.]
Randy:Alright, gingers! We have Muhammad for you! Now'd, hand over the detonators!
Lead Ginger:[holding a detonator] Nuh uh! First you gotta prove that's still Muhammad in there! Have him step out of the bear costume! [behind him is a sea of ginger kids, some of them holding detonators]
Townsfolk:Ohhhhh...
Stan:Dude, we can't do that.
Lead Ginger:Show us it's Muhammad or South Park is finished!
Mr. Hat:Damnit Mitch! You're asking questions that shouldn't be answered!
Mitch Connor:So you admit it! It was a cover-up!
Mr. Garrison:No Mr. Hat! Don't say any more!
Mitch Connor:Yes, tell him what you know!
Mr. Garrison:Alright Eric, your father was in the room the day of your DNA test. But the results were... tampered with.
Cartman:By who?! Goddamnit Garrison, who is my father?!
[South Park. The gingers are ready to blow up the town at any time.]
[The desert. Mecha-Streisand roars and shoots steam from her breasts.]
[End of 200.]
Edit by southparkTV.net / Script by spscriptorium.com